i'm a big sissy

I'm walking up the rickety stairs. With each step my legs become shakier.  As I near the top my breathing increases, my heart's racing, Abram is in my arms looking at me with an inquisitive face, my mind is sorting through excuses to get back down....and you guys! I was only at the top of the slide at the carnival! Come on, Callie. L-7 weenie. And I didn't do it. I'd been stalling for a good minute making small talk with the fella at the top and just when I'm getting frantic I spot Joel down below looking for us. I quickly told the annoyed worker that I needed to get Abram's dad first...he needed to see him bravely go down. Once at the bottom, I found Joel and passed Abe off to my mom. Mom's are good for stuff like that right? (Hoping I can handle it one day.) And down the slide they came, my mom with a huge smile, Abe with a look of disgust. Probably at my decision...not the slide.

Let's talk about carnivals. I'm that girl that always holds the jackets, the purses, the stuffed animals that are won on the runway. I just can't do it. I get motion sickness, I get frightened. Even watching the rides makes me nervous and sweaty. But every group needs that person right?! Who would hold all the stuff :)

approval

I'm a typical people pleaser. 
I hate to have others mad at me, wondering if or knowing others talk bad about me, letting others down, but at the same time I don't want to concern myself with what others think of me. It's a battle between the flesh and the spirit. I left a situation the other day and quickly recognized that my need for human approval is far more than it should be. I want my validation to come from Christ. I want to focus on me and Him and what He requires of me. I tend to be a sensitive person. I tend to get my feelings hurt easy. There's many times I feel left out, or down, but it's because I'm looking for satisfaction from people instead of Christ. My heart longs to come to a place where I have conquered this. Where I'm confident enough in who I am in Christ that I don't need to feel that approval from the world. I think part of being a people pleaser is human nature- I mean, you want others to like you right? But I think it becomes a problem when the approval of others comes before who God says you are and His approval. It becomes an idol. It brings out insecurities. It can be exhausting. Sometimes I'll leave situations and pray that no one thinks evil thoughts about me later or passes judgement. A lot of times these situations make me want to pull back and retreat. Like, if I don't put myself in those situations then the less others can think ill of me. Our worldly ways can be so disturbing, huh? My prayer is that I would seek God and His pleasures above all others.
Too honest? I almost didn't post, but hoping this speaks to someone :)

I think that practicing His presence and putting some key verses to memory that you can repeat when you're feeling down are some great steps in battling the need for approval.

 

Some verses I've found that help:


1 Thessalonians 2:4"On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts."

Matthew 6:33
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” 

Matthew 5:6
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For they shall be filled.” 

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

in a funk

This past week has been....not interesting? I think I took simplicity to its simplest form. Existing. I just haven't been motivated. Not to write, go out, take pictures, work on crafts, clean, shower... I kid, I kid people!....(or am I?). I've hung out with Abe, taken naps with Abe, we practiced our dance moves and how to properly bounce on the bed, ate, read a new book. Hmm, as I type this out it's becoming clear that I've spent so much time with my child I think maybe I'm becoming a child? But I was also lazy- babies don't do lazy- and I started Vampire Diaries- babies don't do Vampire Diaries- so I think I'm okay. Whew! ;) Joel even brought me breakfast in bed! Two mornings in a row! Fully enabling my laziness...in a good way. Love that handsome enabler.

 I got out of my funk for a little bit on Friday and cleaned. As I was staring at my laundry pile that looked like it was going to grow legs and walk themselves to the washing machine, I contemplated a moment and then I snapped out of my funk. I swept, scrubbed, shined, vacuumed, dusted and put my house in order. Like I was saving up all week and then put all my eggs in the cleaning basket. It felt good to have it clean and even better to be motivated to do it. Hoping I can get back into my groove this week. Anyone else get in these funks? Anyone want to come kick my butt back in motion if it happens again? Because it will. 

4 under 4

The other weekend I got to take photos of four cousins all under the age of four. It was cuteness overload! There were moments, but overall it went really well! We found a field, took a quilt, had some bubbles to entertain and Tic-Tacs may or may not have been used to encourage smiles ;). There were definitely more shots of them individually than as a group because in the group pictures there was more often than not, somebody crying or had their eyes closed or was distracted. BUT it was super fun and I'm so happy I had the chance to shoot these cutie cousins! Some of my favorite shots below. 

simplicity

Abram and I went on a walk up our dirt road the other day and as the Avett Brothers sang to us and the afternoon sun warmed our skin I was reminded of how much I appreciate simplicity. It was so nice to clear my head and embrace what I had surrounding me: a butterfly, flowers growing by the stream, the breeze. All things that usually go unnoticed in this fast-paced lifestyle. It immediately led to me thanking God which in turn leads to praising Him. And anything that leads me to praise Him is a good thing and something I need more of :) I need to minimize distractions (um, Ipad, you make it way too easy to spend time with you). To rid the clutter in our lives and have only what we need. To control our wants. Thiiisss is the part I'm not good at. I like the idea of this, but I'm bad at putting it to practice. Clothes, things for the home, eating out- more times than not, it's wants. Society says you need To do everything. Have everything. Achieve everything. I so want to step away from the pressures of society and eliminate the unnecessary.

Some simplicities I have enjoyed lately:

having quiet time in the morning

the beauty of the sky as the sun sets

working with my hands

watching a bird fly

time to cook

not having tv to distract us, although the internet is a good substitute ;)

focus on what we have rather than what we don't. rejoice in what we have been blessed with

holding joel's hand

playing outside with abram 

seeing how intimately God is involved in our lives

I want to spend this season refocusing on simplifying my life.

To prioritize my day and strive to glorify God with it.

It may be quiet, it may be plain, but it will be good.

the crockett family

This past weekend I had the opportunity to take photos of the Crockett family- arguably the best last name ever. Jessica and I have been friends for a couple years now and I was so excited when she asked me to take their pictures. Their son, Hank, is about 6 months older than Abram and he is such a cutie pie. We met up at a local, scenic overlook to take the photos and the day was absolutely beautiful. Hank had a couple moments, but nothing some animal crackers couldn't fix ;) So glad I got to capture the sweet moments. Thanks for letting me take your pictures, Crockett's!

aquarium

Last week Abram the Great and I kidnapped my mom and took ourselves down to the aquarium in Atlanta. It was loads of fun + over stimulation + really neat animals + crowded. And I mean crowded! I have never seen so many strollers in one place. There was lots of pointing and 'oh'ing and mashing his face into the glass to see the fish. And later we went to the mall and Abram rode the merry-go-round and made vrooom noises the whole time.

On another note, Abram is going through a stage where he likes to put things down my shirt. The other day I found a goldfish down my bra...how long had that thing been there?! I'd like to say a few minutes? He is also really into feeding me food currently. Mostly his snacks. And not the healthier ones. On the horizon I foresee some weight gain and more food hidden in my shirt and possibly a shower today? Joel's so spoiled.
 

 His face in the reflection!

Watching the beluga whales. Truly some of the most graceful creatures I've ever seen.

Penguins! 

 This kid. He is standing just like Zach Galifianakis from the Hangover. Am I right or am I right?

Tuckered out.